Your Car Doesn't Care

Driving is like a rite of passage in this country, especially for teens. Nobody can describe that feeling of exaltation when you get behind the wheel on your own for the first time. As a new driver your possibilities are limitless. You can take a road trip to the coast with your friends, your parents can send you out to pick up groceries, and you can sleep in on weekday mornings because you know you won’t have to catch the bus to school.

Whether it was given to you as a 16^th birthday present, or you built it up from scratch; a person’s relationship with their car is almost akin to that of family or friendship. You take care of your car and give it what it needs, and in return it works reliably for you, doing what you want it to do and taking you where you want to go. Your car doesn’t judge you, doesn’t discriminate, and doesn’t care about what else you do while you’re driving.

Your car doesn’t care how you look, with your fruit-flavored shimmery pink lip gloss or your XXL mascara. It won’t tell you you’re fat, or pimply or wearing too much makeup. Your car doesn’t care if you’re not wearing shoes, because those spike heels you wore to the prom are too uncomfortable to wear now.

Your car doesn’t care that you don’t buckle your seat belt. After all you’re only driving five minutes away from home, what’s the worst that could happen?

Your car doesn’t care if you’re going to be the next singing sensation on American Idol, or a multi-platinum rap star. It doesn’t care if you spit the maddest lyrics or belt out that high note while the radio plays your favorite song.

Your car doesn’t care that you are a dancing diva, that you can bust a move to any beat, any time, any place. It doesn’t applaud for you when you strut your stuff at the traffic light.

Your car doesn’t care that you absolutely MUST hear that song on your IPod, or that it takes you a few minutes to look for it. It doesn’t care that your stereo is hard to navigate or that you have to look away from the road to do it.

Your car doesn’t care how well you multitask, that you can read a book, finish that crossword or wrap up your homework assignment due today. It won’t be impressed that you pulled an all-nighter studying for that big exam, and that sleep is about to catch up with you.

Your car doesn’t care that your friend just texted you the biggest news: that she won a pair of Lady Gaga tickets and you’re coming with her to the concert. It doesn’t care that you just HAVE to respond with a quick “OMG LOL :D,” with your hands off the wheel and eyes off the road. It doesn’t listen when you say you can handle it because you have the fastest thumbs in the west.

Your car doesn’t care that your boss is calling to tell you off for being late to work again, or that you have to answer her RIGHT NOW otherwise you may lose your job. It doesn’t have any sympathy for you when you can’t afford Bluetooth, and have to hold the phone up to your ear.

Your car doesn’t care about the crazy parties you go to, or how well you can hold your liquor. It doesn’t mind that you drive home afterward, even though you know it’s against the law. It doesn’t respond when you tell yourself you’re still OK to drive.

Your car doesn’t care how daring you are, that you are not afraid to race your friends, play chicken, or set your own personal land speed record.

Your car doesn’t care that you juggle too many tasks, and says nothing when you put those tasks at a higher priority than your own safety.

Your car doesn’t care when a little boy chases his ball into the road, or that you are too distracted to notice him. It doesn’t warn you to look out, brake, or move out of the way.

And your car doesn’t care if you end up splattered on the pavement.

So, just who are you trying to impress?

The Hangover 2 review

The hangover 2 is supposed to be one of the funniest movies of the year. Whoever decided that must be on whatever drugs the characters took. It was a little funny but all the humor in the sequel could have been found in the original movie. And what little humor there was in no way made up for the scars on my retinas for the crude images flaunted incessantly. At times it was literally painful to watch.

The ushers were definitely right to check IDs at the entrance, because this movie should have been rated NC-17. It also largely employed dumb humor. It reminded me of a high school freshman who thinks cursing and being vulgar is cool and takes it to the extreme just to fit in. If the whole thing was filmed in an inventive, neat or artful way, then it might have made up for its obvious lack of propriety, but no; the filming techniques were pretty typical, reusing some motifs from the first film, and bringing nothing new to the table.

The full frontal male nudity was uncomfortable to watch, and I couldn’t imagine how much worse it would have been if I had seen the film with any members of my family. The idea of the smoking drug dealing monkey was cool and pretty original, not to mention the monkey was a better actor than some of the people. The character Alan, played by Zach Galifianakis, was annoying and dumb. It was hard to believe that a character like that had any friends. The others were not much better. The constantly freaked out groom-to-be, Stu, played by Ed Helms, grated on your nerves after a while, and I’m not sure if best man, Phil, played by Bradley Cooper even had a purpose in this film.

The story was superficial at best and even though it wasn’t predictable, you almost didn’t care what happened in the plot because you knew they would get out of it safely and everything would be OK. It was easy to root out the source of drugs that caused the crazy night; too much emphasis was put into foreshadowing that scene so it was super easy to catch.

This movie was all about shock and eww. There was not much to it but gross-out humor, drug induced stupidity, and uncomfortably embarrassing situations. Word to the wise, don’t watch this with your family. If you liked the first one, and you don’t mind repetition and being scarred for life, then this is the movie for you.

I rate this movie 2 out of five stars and hope that others like it more than I did.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides review

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides was one of the most anticipated releases of the summer, but as far as I’m concerned, it didn’t quite live up to the hype. There were a couple great things about this movie, and their names are Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush. Their acting was pretty fantastic, as it was in all the previous films. Something unique to On Stranger Tides is you finally see the opposing characters working together rather than constantly fighting. Their dynamic was perfect, but I must say Geoffrey Rush as captain Barbossa kind of stole the show for me. His character still had a sense of mystery when I had all the others figured out.

Seeing it in 3D added a bit of depth (pun intended) to the experience, but it’s not worth paying an extra three dollars for. After all, what’s the point in shelling out extra money when you don’t feel like everything is flying right at you? The music was great as ever, the composer interlaced new themes with the old classics, and the sea chantey “My Jolly Sailor Bold” sung by mermaid Gemma Ward, was hauntingly beautiful. It had many good qualities but like many sequels it simply wasn’t up to par with the rest. Unfortunately people no longer expect excellence, especially with sequels, so most people will undoubtedly like this more than I did.

The Pirates story was meant to be a trilogy. Number three (At World’s End) ended very well, with the vanquish of two villains, a happily ever after, and a nod to eternal pirate adventures in the future. The audience knows the story goes on, you don’t need another movie to tell it. For the most part, it was a rehashing of old fight scenes, insufferable tedious characters, and Jack Sparrow’s repetitive captures and escapes. Penelope Cruz as Angelica was not very good at all, but to be fair she did the best with what she was given, which was a limited dose of talent and a weak character.

I liked the subtle nods to the Disneyland theme park ride on which all these movies were based. It gave Disney fans a little treat that others may not have noticed. Another treat was when Dame Judi Dench had a short cameo in the beginning.

The best thing about this movie was the mermaid scene. These deadly yet enchanting creatures really captured the mystery behind these pirate myths. A big fuss was made about Blackbeard and how he was supposed to be so terrifying but didn’t feel it. He was certainly cold and heartless, but I think the writers put in a lot more effort into the Davy Jones character of the previous films. All it took was one movie to take down the most renown and feared pirate in all folklore when the previous villains needed two movies and a sea goddess to do the job. All in all, this was a last-ditch effort to squeeze a bit more money out of the franchise before putting it to bed. I would suggest seeing a matinee showing or going to the theater on a promotional night so as not to pay full price.

I would rate this film three stars out of five.

Harry Potter 7.0 (The Deathly Hallows Part I)

Having been a big supporter of the Harry Potter series since the very first book, it is nearly impossible for me to be an impartial observer of any of the books or films. So instead I'll recount how the movie impacted me subjectively

As with most good films, I was able to lose myself in the story. I was no longer a person sitting in a theater on the outside, I was in the action, running for my life from Death Eaters and traveling all over the country with Harry Ron and Hermione.

This film is based off the first half of the seventh book in the series. The filmmakers split the seventh book into two films so they don't have to condense over 10 hours of book into three hours of movie. With this new format they were able to go into much more detail that they didn't get out of the previous book-to-film transitions.

However, it does create complications for the next movie. Though this film has intensity and action in its own right, it is mostly exposition and rising action that will lead ultimately to the climax in the next film. This means that the next film will have all the action, and this movie, by comparison, will ultimately fall by the wayside.

The Deathly Hallows follows the story of Harry's quest to find and destroy Horcruxes, which will allow him to kill the dark lord Voldemort. His mentor Dumbledore is dead and Harry and his friends are on their own. They begin to learn about the mysterious Deathly Hallows, objects that make the possessor conqueror of death, and Harry begins a search for these too. Their paths lead them ultimately to the great wizarding war and Harry and Voldemort have a final showdown. The film, however, is cut off before the war begins and the audience is left with a cliffhanger ending.

The best part of the movie by far is when they recount the story of the Deathly Hallows. It is when Hermione is reading about the story of the Three Brothers from a children's book and animation is used to display the tale visually. The animation looks like hand-drawn ink on parchment and reminds me of the same animation used for classic Tim Burton films. It was fantastically done and displayed the story better than I could have imagined it.

Every time there is a book converted to film there are things, as a fan, that you would do differently, and the same goes for this film. There is a specific moment in the book when Ron as a character takes a tremendous leap forward and reveals himself as much more than just Harry's sidekick. They do a great job in portraying this moment onscreen with the special effects, but they cut his character short when they decide to insert a little humor at the end, rather than show real emotion and character development. In the book you see Ron in a whole new light, in the movie you think "same old Ron."

There are other things in the dialogue that would have been easy to change. Since the book relies heavily on dialogue, fans want to hear the same lines in the film that they read in the book. In some cases it would have taken hardly any time at all to incorporate a line from the book and the film could have been SO much stronger. And on the other hand, there were things they added that were not necessary and made the film weaker.

The acting ability from the three main characters has slowly improved over the last few films. Daniel Radcliffe as Harry has stopped looking constipated when he is portraying anger and Emma Watson as Hermione can actually convey emotion without looking fake. But the strongest performance, I think, came from Rupert Grint as Ron. Over the course of the film he has to be funny, serious, jealous, remorseful, in love, frightened, angry, gravely injured, foolish, and occasionally insightful; and he pulls these emotions off almost flawlessly.

Harry has certain dream sequences that reveal important parts of the plot and foreshadow events to come. These scenes could have been done better. In order to make it look like a dream and separate it from reality they often made it a series of short snippets of footage usually blurry and convoluted. It was hard to glean any information at all from these dreams and so the audience missed out on essential plot points. You would have to have read the book to understand what is really going on during these dreams.

All in all, they did a much better job in this film than others before it. Any changes I would have made to this film are minor in comparison to what I would change in the fourth fifth and sixth movies. It was exciting, fun, and fantastic. If this movie is any indication, then we are well on our way toward the truly epic finale that the Harry Potter series deserves.

Hot Tub Time Machine

If my hot tub were a time machine I would gladly hop in and go back in time to before I saw this pointless movie.

Hot Tub Time Machine was dumb, but not in a funny way. Usually when a movie employs stupid humor, there's a satirical edge to it, like in Zoolander when they made fun of the modeling profession, or Idiocracy, where they point out the dumbing down of the entire human race. Hot Tub Time Machine, though, had all the stupidity and none of the humor.

It follows the story of three best friends who have fallen out of touch and become middle aged and miserable. After one of the friends attempts suicide the other two and a nephew take him to a ski resort they all frequented as young adults. They get drunk in a hot tub and are transported back to the 80s to relive the experiences they had.

The F-word in this movie is nothing more than a filler word to use when there's a lull in the dialogue. Even though it has become common now to use crude language in everyday conversation, I thought it brought this film down on the IQ scale. The writers were probably just reflecting the norms of society by trying to copy the sort of dialogue used by teens today. However, movies today are considered memorable or not by the list of funny quotes people remember. If a movie isn't quotable, it isn't memorable and the endless F-bombs and crude language just served to make the movie easily forgettable.

The themes weren't any better. The main storyline revolves around sex, drugs, and partying. The main purpose of life, according to this movie, is to damn the consequences and live for the moment. The three main characters were more focused on fixing what happened in the past, they forgot about what changing the past would mean for the future. The youngest character, the nephew, is the only one who actually cares about getting back to the present, because his friends' actions might make it so he was never born.

John Cusack, the headliner for this film, stayed mostly in the background. He didn't do a noticeably bad job, but he didn't do a noticeably good job either, making his performance mediocre at best. Clark Duke, who played Cusack's nephew Jacob, did pretty well as a sarcastic and awkward teen, which made it a weird transition when his character suddenly became the responsible adult and the only voice of reason in the group.

Rob Corddry, who played the crazy, out of control friend, Lou, did a pretty believable job. I don't know if that means he himself is stupid and crazy, or if he genuinely can act as such. His character had all the pratfalls and funny lines (if any of the lines could be called funny) but I easily got bored with his character doing the same things over and over again.

The only redemption in this movie comes from Craig Robinson's performance as Nick Webber. He brought real emotion, humor, and strength to his part, and his character was the only one who actively changed his future for the better before returning to the present. He changed from the experience and was a better man for it.

I feel less intelligent for having watched this movie. The good parts were not nearly good enough to make up for all the bad, and I ended the night at a loss.

Relay For Life: a Cancer Dodgers story

A banner stretched across a small pop-up canopy displaying the words: "Hitting Cancer out of the park!" at the booth of the Cancer Dodgers at the Relay For Life at CSUB May 1. The team is made of mostly family and friends joined together by a single cause: to fight cancer. The following is their story in photos.

Relay team Cancer Dodgers group together around cancer survivor Bret Haney and pose for a complimentary picture for all teams at The Relay For Life. The group formed three years ago to participate in cancer awareness fundraisers. Bret was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Aggressive Lymphoma at the age of 25 in 2003 and has been in remission for six years.

Bret Haney (left) and mother Janet Haney take a walk past relay teams and sponsor booths at Relay For Life.

Tori Freeborn (left) with her husband Josh and mother Janet Haney (right) chat as they walk the perimiter at Relay For Life.

The Cancer Dodgers Booth where the group can sit down, relax, and where they will camp out over the next 24 hours.

Cancer Dodger Sean Novak smiles as he adds another bead to his necklace marking his 30th lap around the perimeter of Relay For Life. Novak has been walking since 9 a.m. and hopes to accomplish 18 miles, as he did last year, before calling it a day.

Novak walks on throughout the day as a way to show support for his mother, who has had breast cancer for many years. “It’s a great way to give back.” - Novak

Amberly Haney plays with little bat girl Brooklyn Smith at the Cancer Dodgers booth at Relay For Life.

Tori and Josh Freeborn look at the many booths set up in the CSUB soccer fields as they take a stroll around the perimeter at Relay For Life.

Bat Girl Halle Rasmussen smiles for the camera while playing with fellow bat girls and boys in front of the Cancer Dodgers booth at the relay.

Cancer Survivor Bret Haney and wife Amberly hold each other while taking a walk around Relay For Life.

Amberly Haney straightens up the Cancer Dodgers booth after the finish of the day’s activities before the commencement of the Luminaria ceremony.

Bat Boy Michael Rasmussen hangs out at the booth before the Luminaria ceremony.

Kathy Aragon stops for a quick picture after picking up her raffle winnings at the Cancer Dodgers booth. The Cancer Dodgers raffled off a number of prizes including a Blue-Ray player, DVD sets, Baseball tickets donated by the LA Dodgers, and more.

Team Cancer Dodgers breaks glow sticks to put in luminaria bags in memory and honor of cancer patients.

Halle Rasmussen drops a lit glow-stick into a paper bag to honor cancer survivor Bret Haney at the Luminaria Ceremony at the Relay For Life.

Cancer survivor Josh Worthen embraces wife Sarah as they look to the stage as the Luminaria ceremony commences. Josh was diagnosed with oligodendroma, which is a set of tumors in the left frontal lobe of his brain. He had surgery and chemotherapy and has been in remission for 8 years.

Glowing paper bags line the walkway as Brian Smith walks with daughter Brooklyn during the Luminaria walk, where all teams walk together with loved ones.

Jill and Nathan Urmston enjoy snacks and each others company as they take the Luminaria walk together.

Friends, teammates and cancer survivors Bret Haney and Josh Worthen get together for a photo after the Luminaria walk. The friends got together on the team after hearing of each others cancer stories.
"I relay, not only for myself, but for everyone who has ever had, has, or will have cancer and the loved ones who care and support them, Lets Dodge Cancer!"- Bret Haney